Some thoughts whilst watching “The Forest”. Spoilers within; ye be warned.

the Forest is weird.

it’s a bit Jarring.  We’re used to Natalie Dormer in her Game of Thrones type of regalia.

here, she’s different.  She’s real.  She’s different.

Natalie Dormer needed something to break her out of her Game of Thrones Shell.  And while “The Forest” may not make complete sense; she’s set her self apart from Margaery.

Margary.

Uh….Natalie.

I’m watching “the Forest.”.

I’m a bit in.  Probably 20 minutes.  I don’t know what the hell is going on.  Natalie’s got a Twin.  She disappeared in some suicide forest in Japan.  So now, Natalie knows Japnaese.  “Jhhhhapanese.” /peggyhill.  And.  She’s talking to somebody.  At a school?  Not sure. The Jhhhhhapanese lady was dressed very officious and suddenly, Natalie knew Jhhhhapanese.

I think I missed something here.

“So.  When was the last time you saw Grandma.”

where the fuck did Grandma come from.

*GAZE*

Natalie Dormer is Pensive.

Natalie Dormer looks sad but serious.

This section of the movie is Natalie Dormer posing in earnest poses.

This movie is pretty much Natalie Dormer posing for closeups.

Oh cool, that guy from ‘Chicago Fire’!

“DO YOU THINK SHE IS STILL ALIVE”

“HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE FOREST”

You guys.  the Forest.  it’s important.

Chicago Fire is a writer you guys.

JUST LIKE ME

“I Went to Space Camp.”

That was a pick up line.

No shit.

CLOSE UP

goddamn that movie has a lot of close ups, people.

Somebody in their past saw a drunk driver run over everybody in the town.  I think.

But it’s fine.

Long time ago.

This movie really has no idea how to get to the fucking Forest.

WRINKLED OLD LADY OUT OF NOWHERE.  No really.  The movie all of a sudden turned to Natalie walking through a warehouse and all of a sudden some creepy old lady attacked her.

 

Huh.  They’re setting ‘The Forrest.’ (Run Forrest.  Run.) as some super mystical force of nature type of thing.  Which is weird.  Interesting take.  Beautiful shots of fractal type imagery in the trees too.

OH SHIT Natalie just stepped, slowly, over the steel cable that marked the border of THE FOREST.  She’s in the shit you guys.

Pretty sure Natalie dropped acid before she…..CROSSED THE LINE.

“If you bring a tent, you’re not sure.”  Not sure of what?  What the hell are you talking about dude.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN THE FOREST WHERE SHE DISAPPEARED?

YOUR SISTER IS DEAD.

HER SISTER IS COULD BE DEAD.

YOU GUYS. HER SISTER COULD BE DEAD.

I mean, I’ll give them credit.  This forest out in the middle of Japan with random dead people is pretty creepy.  It adds a good bit of tension and helps elevate something mundane into a bit of ‘fantasy’. Make believe.  Suspension of belief, people.

They turned this poor Japanese local into a ‘Native American’ stereotype.  Kinda cheapens it really.  Dick move, man.

Don’t tell me you believe in JAPANESE PHRASE SO YOU PEOPLE KNOW WE ARE SERIOUS THAT THIS MOVIE IS IN JAPAN.

Chicago Fire is your ‘good guy cowboy who is friendly with the natives’.

The Forest is a weird Western knock off.  Huh.

“You’re an expert. You went to space camp.”

Why is Space Camp coming up again?

CREEPY NOISES.  It’s dark.  The bon fire is burning low, the close glowing to add feeble light to the handsome cowboy from Chicago and Margaery; Queen.  Queen?

My missing sister is the smart one. I’m the passionate one. In case you missed it, she carries obscure books on her hiking trips to the Suicide Forrest.

THE Forrest.

The forest.

The forest is dark and foreboding . A heavy mist lies low above the ground, as NATALIE DORMER peeks her fragile yet prominent nose out the worn facade of her missing sister’s tent.

They really did a good job making the forest a character on it’s own. Solid cinematography in this flick.

Chicago Fire is shady.  Natalie is fierce.

In case you didn’t pick up on it; they make it clear.

Yep. Chicago Fire’s a psycho.  Natalie’s a damsel.  This movie is…not kind to women.

Hey, here’s some of Natalie’s sister’s shit, to show that Natalie is on the trail. Because we have 30 minutes left. So it’s time to be on Sister’s Trail.

You have now arrived at the part of the movie where weird shit happens.

lol. JUMP SCARE outta nowhere.

The whole ‘maggot’ hallucination thing was cool.

“Daddy why.” oh what the fuck.

Okay this is the second time I’ve checked my phone.  They need to wrap this shit up.

Natalie Prime was the one that kilt herself.  The other sister lived.  So Nat sacrificed herself so other sister could live.

Barf.

 

 

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