The Search for Inspirado.

Inspiration is a fickle thing. Sometimes you have it by the bucketful, other times it’s a scarce commodity. Unfortunately, here at Cinema Fromage headquarters, we’ve been in the former situation for quite awhile. Due to various factors, changes at work, busy family life, some head worms of my own to deal with…inspiration just hasn’t been high on the list of resources that I am abundant in.

It is what it is. I’ve felt guilty in the past about letting the old blog here gather dust. Something I once thought was a fairly big deal, then I let it go to seed. I struggled with feeling guilty about it for awhile, then I felt really guilty when I hit a particularly low spot the old depression trough. But then, I realized it’s really not so bad. After all, I’ve kept creative. I’ve got four different podcasts that I’m a part of. Certainly nothing to sneeze at.

Here as of late, things have been starting to take a turn. Not in the depression department; that part took a turn some time ago! I’m feeling pretty great as of late. No, I’m starting to get the itch to create again. I’ve got something sitting there beyond the periphery tapping along, trying to find a way to get out.

I won’t lie. It feels pretty great. It’s pretty exciting to have that urge to once again puke out whatever’s filling up my brain pan for the sheer fun of it. It can be a bit frustrating as well. The will to create is there, but the ideas, they’re not always quite solidified. Sometimes they’re just this ephemeral gas (not from the other end) that’s out there with the bare notion of an idea I’d like to scribble something out about. It’s hard after so long to pin those ideas down, turn them into something tangible.

This past weekend, I was bumbling about in my typical weekend routine. A little Diablo here, a little housework there, with a whole lot of Netflix in between. Flipping through the choices on the screen, I came across a recent addition, Howard Stern’s “Private Parts”. Oddly enough, i had never seen it. I’ve been enjoying Stern as a judge on America’s Got Talent. I’ve enjoyed his show when I’ve heard it, but never enough to go seek it out. So, I figured what the heck, I’ll give it a shot.

This is where the strange part comes in; I found “Private Parts” to be…dare I say…inspiring?

I know, it sounds weird! The movie itself is an ‘autobiography’ of Stern’s rise to DJ superstardom. I’m sure there was some embellishment going on there, but it doesn’t really change the inspiration aspect. I just found myself with a lot of excitement as you watch Howard’s no nonsense approach to his on air personality and his radio shows.

Boiling it down, the comparison is simple: over these past few years, as I fought off depression and a lack of motivation for writing and the creative side of things…I became timid. Which seems weird, I’m sure, if you hear me on Bloody Good Horror, Cinema Fromage, etc. But it’s true. I’ve found the biggest thing holding me back on every venture I want to take part in, is myself.

It’s easy to fool oneself when it comes to the creative front. I’ve dreamt for ages of interviewing people, but never had the guts to do so. I jokingly tell people I’m afraid I’d be like Chris Farley in that one SNL skit where he interviews celebrities, “That was so cool…” The truth is, I’m pretty honestly afraid of it turning out that way. I’ve dreamt of getting back to writing and blogging here for a solid year or two. Again, the fear has crept in. There wasn’t any more confidence left in the tank, the fear that I couldn’t do anything that would either be worth reading or something that would stand out from the crowd. So I simply didn’t. It kinda sucked.

Here as of late though, I’m in a much healthier, happier state. And the urges are coming back. Since I’m feeling much more assertive these days, I’ve decided to take a queue from Howard Stern this time around. I have to push away the fears, ignore the lack of confidence and just put it out there. Get it out of my head and get it on paper.

So, here we are.

One of the biggest things that helped me through the dark times was keeping a journal. It kept me from dwelling on the negative, letting me get everything that had been loading down my brain and ambition and get it out of my head for a night. We’re going to try that here at Cinema Fromage, with a twist. I’m going to start keeping a journal of creative thoughts here on the site, as I get them out of my head and onto paper.

The posts will cover whatever happens to be weighing on my mind at the moment, so they could be anything from short stories to long winded rambling. (But if you’re here because you saw a new post on the site, you already know I’m long winded! Some might be short. Some might be sad. The import thing is, they’ll be out of my head and just maybe, we’ll be creating some new excitement here in the near future.

Hold onto your butts.

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